I thought I knew what I wanted for my future, to have a big house, with fancy gadgets, a huge TV, nice, fancy luxury cars, in a “fancy” neighborhood surrounded by other people exactly the same.

Then, I woke up to what I really want. Its funny how I enjoyed the smaller duplex home more than the giant two story house I lived in, and not because of what happened in the house, but because of the simplicity of the duplex home. The simple life, have the basic necessities, because thats all you need, showered with love. Love of your family. Too many people stress about having money to buy all these things they don’t need, when they overlook that simple concept. Its why when it was come time for Christmas and people kept asking me what I wanted, I told them I have what I want, I don’t need anything, nor want anything really.

What I want is to be away from my family(mom, dad, brother, etc.), and be close to MY family. One of the reasons why I wanted to move away, to break free from their control and dependency, and start taking care of my family. I love them, but they keep on trying to mold me into something I don’t want to be, and my words to them get ignored.

The simple life, I never realized thats what I wanted until recently.

In the beginning, everybody is told to achieve and be what you want to be, you can do anything. As we get older, we realize how idiotic that really is as you have to be extremely lucky in life in order to achieve what you want. Lucky by being gifted with a multimillion dollar arm, meeting the right people at the right time, and just being in the right place at the right time.

For most, life is a cruel, evil bitch that with every turn down the road, throws a bigger pile of shit at you hoping to derail you. Of course, it gives glimpses of hope, trying to get you to keep believing that things will turn around and you’ll be taken through the tunnel with the light at the end. However, that is extremely unlikely to happen as more bullshit keeps getting thrown your way. Each time you get your hopes up, you can most definitely expect a cruel event to take place to completely change the landscape of your life.

So why have hope? What is the purpose of hoping things will turn around in the end, when they never do? I’m slowly coming to the realization that hope is one of the most twisted weapons man kind has. The hope that things will get better, the hope that there won’t be a war, the hope that someone higher up is looking out for you. None of that is true, all determined by life to laugh maniacally as you think things will work out, only to throw more shit at you on your way down the path. Why should we as people hope for the best, when it never comes? Why is it that the truly good people of the world end up being hurt the most while the cruel and wicked reap the benefits?

The children, that is why most never give up because they don’t want their children to end up where they are. They try so hard, but in the end they will be in the same situation you are. Frustrated, depressed, always hoping their life will get better. It never will, but we still don’t want our children to think like that, so we feed them lies hoping they will change the world.

Hope, I try to always have hope that things will get better, that I will overcome my life’s misfortunes, but as the days go by, I start to care a little less about almost everything. Of course, there are three people very special to me that I would do anything for, however what is the point if I show them the up-most love and get none in return? I fear everyday that my children will be bugged out the days I see them, and that the mother of my child will hate to see me. Its difficult to say, but in the end, I will always love them more than anything. Will I find anyone else? I can not predict the future, but I will admit in the back of my head that I will always be thinking about my family.

What is love?
Love is that really indescribable feeling that you have for someone. The feeling that whenever you look at this person, you just can’t stop but smile. That you absolutely care about this person so much, you would do anything in your power for them to ensure they felt someone cares about them, someone does “love” them. That this person makes you feel so special, that you can do anything with this person, accomplish anything as long as they are by your side, and you do the same for them. That together, anything is possible in the end. That you can sit together on a couch for an hour, in complete silence, and feel you had the best conversation of your life. That you miss their embrace so much, you ensure when you come home you show your affection showing that person how much you care about them.
With love, any man or woman can conquer anything set in front of them.

In my head, I can see a glimpse of the future

Will that be what comes from this great misery,

Or will that time come and go with nothing changing?

As I try to step forward to the next chapter,

I see no path ahead and want to hide.

My heart torn apart and lost,

I search to find it so I can move ahead with feelings.

The glimpse of the future continues to give me hope,

We must never give up hope.

As the minutes tick by,
As the sun moves across the light blue sky,
I think about what the future may hold.
Part of me gets frightened I’ll be in the cold,
All alone with no one to give me a hand.
Part of me gets inspired moving across the sand,
As I hold fast on my main virtue of patience.

It’s plain to see the build up inside of me,

Waiting to explode and break free.

The world has come crumbling down,

Turning the grass to dark brown.

Here lies everything I wanted,

Out of reach, leaving me haunted

As I grow wearisome of losing it all.

Bound and determined to not fall,

I can see clearly the change inside,

Ready to show the world outside

That I am the world’s greatest.

There’s a place downtown
Where the fighters come out to play
It’s a free for all battle
Glory to be had by all
Everybody standing shoulder to shoulder
Pointing their fingers in the sky
Waiting for the Crimson and Cream
To emerge from the shadows
To knock out the challengers
Two final words are heard
Before all becomes a haze
“Boomer Sooner”

Day after Day,

Hour after Hour,

Minute after Minute,

Second after Second,

It seems I’m stuck in pause

Never moving forward, never progressing.

The daylight grows shorter,

While the nightlight grows longer.

As the teardrop slowly rolls down my face,

I ask for help to get me moving.

To get me out of this darkness

And to hit the Play button,

To unpause me and get me moving,

To see the light.

My head is spinning round and round
No sense of direction, heading over a mound
Where am I heading to, do I need someone to lead?
Questions, problems accumulating in my head
I trip and stumble down a grassy hill
Hoping to not hit the wind mill
I stop and look over the horizon to see
Nothing but a grassy field in front of the ocean sea.
I collapse as the questions continue spewing in my mind
Why do they continue without answers, that isn’t kind.
I begin to cry when a hand taps me on my shoulder,
And asks me why am I so upset lying on this boulder?
I tell her that I’m so lost and confused right now
And that I feel in this world so low.
Then, I tell her I need someone to lead my path
She giggles and begins to say that life isn’t simple math
I need to make my own mark in this fabulous place
Make my own Destiny along the way to my palace.
I could only smile at her response so caring
I ask for her name, on this beautiful evening.
She looks down into my eyes and says one word,
Hope.

I walk across the field with the grass between my toes,
Looking up in the sky at dark clouds approaching.
It appears rain will accompany me on this journey,
This long journey across the wilderness.
At a moments notice, I see a sparkle in the distance
Instead of continuing along the path,
I decide to venture towards the shining light
Wondering what could be the cause of such beauty.
As I approach, I see a lady, a lady with a sapphire necklace,
Words can not begin to describe her breathtaking gorgeousness.
She seems lost, with tears running down her face,
And as I near, she curls up into a ball, afraid.
I assure her I mean no harm, only here to help
Just then a thunderous roar bellows out from the sky,
Raindrops scatter along the countryside.
She looks up at me, stretches her arm out,
Holding out her hand and then says
I’m too scared to go out in the rain alone,
Will you hold my hand and travel together?
I picked her up and told her yes,
We will travel together along the path.
As we continue along, I look and see no more tears,
Only a smile on her beautiful face.
Looking into her eyes, I saw a spark,
And then I knew she was the jewel in my eye.